Optimum Bodies

My name is Natasha and I’m in the midst of recovering me! I say in the midst because I have already been working at this for a year and have only now felt comfortable enough to share my journey with others.

High School Days Summer of 2009 at 250 lbs April 2011 at 199 lbs

Natasha is now a weekly contributer to the Optimum Bodies Blog. Be sure to check out her posts here.

In September of 2011 I will be turning 40 years old. To be honest with you I should tell you that I have never in my life been truly happy with who I was. When I was younger I felt very good about the outside appearance of myself but never really good about whom I wasas a person. Now I am happy with the woman I grew to become but dislike the image I see in the mirror. I am a mother to three children and have been married for 12 years. I work as a home daycare provider. I love organizing stuff and my hectic life allows me to put this to good use!

I was always secretly unhappy about how I looked once I gained all this weight. I had become this person who internalized all that negative energy, and with that I slowly began to think less and less of myself. The funny thing is I didn’t even realize what I was doing to myself! I didn’t see the excuses I was making.

I hit rock bottom one night while out at a Halloween party. It has always been said that alcohol leaves you uninhibited and this evening was no different. In a room with a great number of young, beautiful, scantily dressed girls who have never put their bodies through the ordeal of pregnancy and childbirth, I hit rock bottom. I saw the big picture and finally understood that I was unhappy with myself, my life and my attitude.

This was the moment that changed me. I was open with myself about how I felt and took the time to talk these feelings out with a new friend who helped me see that I could be more - if I just found the courage to believe it.

I started setting little goals for myself that where gradual in the start due to my size. I pulled out the running shoes and started walking the dog around the block at night, dragged the laundry up and down the stairs without help and stopped eating a sleeve of cookies with my tea at night. I started reading about food, exercise and diet. I didn’t tell my husband and family as I was terrified to admit what I was thinking about doing for fear of failure. Was I really considering taking off 100 lbs of weight? Could this even be possible?

The best thing I did was open up to the people in my life and admit what I wanted to do. Rather than smirk at me and look at me like I was a fool they all congratulated me and pumped me up with kind words about who I am.

In the start I refused to know any of the stats that went with my body, I wouldn’t get on a scale for anyone. That said I had participated in a Stats Canada survey on the health of Canadians in 2007. I decided that I would look up the numbers (knowing that had gone up since then) and discovered that my 5 foot 4 inch frame was supporting a mass of 243 lbs, with a BMI of 41. It went up between 2007 and 2009, I am sure because after completing my first month of diet and exercise I weighed in at 248 lbs.

My first trip to see a trainer was a rather humbling experience. That’s the hard thing about getting fat and hating it. In order to fix it you have to face the problem and the people you “think” are perfect. It wasn’t what I expected at all. I feared judgement for how I looked or how little I could perform but instead I got words of encouragement and practical advice that was geared for the level I was at. I went in expecting one thing and left with the total opposite. I felt good about what I was doing even if it meant that I could only do 5 modified push ups. I faced the fact that my waist was an insane 43 inches and that I had a place to start.

I knew the next set was to plan my goals and to set realistic expectations on myself. Taking off 5 lbs a week could be a reality in the start but in the long term not possible. I decided that I wanted to be a healthy me for my 40^th birthday in September 2011. This was 2 years away, and 100 lbs is a lot of weight.

With a main goal in place my trainer and good friend Laura and I decided that I should have some milestone goals along the way. Assigned as weekly homework I had to think of things to give myself along the way as I met them. This doesn’t mean ashopping spree every 10 lbs lost but rather smaller rewards to acknowledge what has been accomplished. Great ideas like healthy cookbooks, a massage to pamper my spirits, or a night out in the company of just my husband.

One of my rewards along the way has been a silver necklace with a personal quote on it. The quote says,”Sparks…………the moments that define us”. I find that in a moment of doubt or strain I can look at that charm around my neck and remember what it’s all for. I can remember that initial spark in the beginning that has ignited all this change in my life now.

I discovered a really great free website that allowed me to track my foods and calories for the day. I immediately immersed myself into it. I made friends on the site that offer words of encouragement and we support each other along the way.

I also discovered that writing is really good for the soul. I began my own blog that I write in daily and I find that this really holds me accountable to myself and the strangers who are reading my story.

I started seeing Laura once a week for a really intense workout and for help with planning meals. We even went grocery shopping together one day for all the new foods I would be eating. I also took the incentive to start training 3 times a week on my own to help build up that muscle I need to burn off that fat.

I established a meal plan that works for me and started planning around that. I knew how many calories I could eat and started there. As time moved on I began to learn more about food and with that knowledge I began to change what I chose to eat to get those calories. It’s still a learning process but with each day I learn more and grow more with my openness to change.

I have learned that in order to succeed at this I need to plan ahead for things. Something I can embrace as I do love to plan!

I took the bull by the horns and decided that it was OK to be selfish and take the time to do this for myself. I maybe a mother, a wife, a care giver and many other things but that does not mean that I don’t count.

In the beginning I was really worried that I wouldn’t maintain this motivation I had at the start. It’s one thing to decide to do something and another to follow through to the end. I have been asked on many occasions what I have done to stay so focused on my goals and it really boils down to one thing in my opinion: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Every day I get up and tell my reflection that I can do this and deserve this. It is all about mindset. Find whatever it takes to BELIEVE and the rest will fall into place.

Like anyone I have had plenty on weaknesses so far in my journey. The hardest hurdle to overcome was to break out of the cycle of bad eating which still is a struggle to this day. We are a family on the go and with that some very bad habits have been instilled into my children. Eating on the run at any one of a dozen take out restaurants is an easy fix if you are tired or too busy to cook a meal. It is easy to do, and it’s hard to break the cycle once it’s part of your life. I now have to plan plan plan in order to prevent that slip from happening. It’s no easy feat at all as I hate to admit that even though fast food may be crap but I do still love it.

The biggest setback I have experienced to date was allowing myself to lose focus through the Christmas season of 2010. I gained back almost 16 lbs and felt a great deal of shame. I was terrified to start again fearful that I wouldn’t have that drive in me that I did in the start. What I learnt from this is that I am much stronger than I had thought and that in order to be a real success I will need to think and eat this way for the rest of my life. It’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle!

Learning to accept that thisjourney is not a movie of the week has also been hard. Some weeks are great and I feel like a superstar, others are hard and I feel like I am making no progress at all. It really is worth it though, I can attest to this in full confidence.

I am Natasha, I once weighed 250 lbs and I was miserable about my whole life. Today I am Natasha, I weigh 198 lbs and I see the world in a totally different way. Tomorrow I will be Natasha and I will be everything I deserve to be. I take each day in stride, and I invite you to join me on the road to my tomorrow…

Natasha is now a weekly contributer to the Optimum Bodies Blog. Be sure to check out her posts here.